I was sitting in geography class in high school. My CD player nestled snugly in my inner blazer pocket whirring away, earphones slipped through the sleeves and hidden in my palms as I rested my head and right ear so I could listen to the music...of Phantom of the Opera. I'm embarrassed to write that but I was obsessed with it. For some reason it completely took my breath away.
I felt exactly like the screaming girls in the Beatles. I was consumed by an excitement that thrummed through my entire being.
I remember feeling a sense of something odd when the first reports of Coronavirus were being talked about on Twitter and Reddit. Then when it was on the BBC and I was reading an article I had a strange sense of deja-vu. It was as if I was in a game or a film where they show an article or extract from the time before the "event" happens.
Now everyday nearly every hour I'm checking the news, the forums.
I've seen the empty shelves in shops, walked down the streets and seen the change in people, been in an airport and sensed this anxiety and almost tang in the air.
It made me think of the murmuration of starlings. A giant signpost calling out to each other as there's safety in numbers against an invisible threat. Though in this case there isn't really safety in numbers.
I felt exactly like the screaming girls in the Beatles. I was consumed by an excitement that thrummed through my entire being.
Just breathless.
Each time I listened to it I ached inside and I listened to it on repeat. A lot. I wouldn't care if my teachers caught me. I was infatuated with it.
That's how it was with Austin Ray, the slightly chubby bass player who was a sixth former and was in a band.
I don't really know why I crushed so hard on him but I did. It was very typical - I was a gawky awkward 14 year old girl with braces, glasses, terrible hair and no real clue on what was going on with my body or feelings and he was a 17/18 year old guy who was in a band going about his life with no interest in me because I wasnt even on his radar.
But anytime I talked to him - which was quite often unfortunately due to my friends knowing him, I lost all control over my body and feelings. This isn't exactly new to anyone - its a very common trope and part of puberty.
I remember being in an alcove/entrance way to where the biology labs were with my friends. He walked past and said "Hi", I remember blushing, feeling hot, sweating slightly and not being able to talk or maybe I stammered "Hello" or just stared at him. What kind of response is that? Text-book fight or flight I guess.
That's how it was with Austin Ray, the slightly chubby bass player who was a sixth former and was in a band.
I don't really know why I crushed so hard on him but I did. It was very typical - I was a gawky awkward 14 year old girl with braces, glasses, terrible hair and no real clue on what was going on with my body or feelings and he was a 17/18 year old guy who was in a band going about his life with no interest in me because I wasnt even on his radar.
But anytime I talked to him - which was quite often unfortunately due to my friends knowing him, I lost all control over my body and feelings. This isn't exactly new to anyone - its a very common trope and part of puberty.
I remember being in an alcove/entrance way to where the biology labs were with my friends. He walked past and said "Hi", I remember blushing, feeling hot, sweating slightly and not being able to talk or maybe I stammered "Hello" or just stared at him. What kind of response is that? Text-book fight or flight I guess.
I remember feeling a sense of something odd when the first reports of Coronavirus were being talked about on Twitter and Reddit. Then when it was on the BBC and I was reading an article I had a strange sense of deja-vu. It was as if I was in a game or a film where they show an article or extract from the time before the "event" happens.
Now everyday nearly every hour I'm checking the news, the forums.
I've seen the empty shelves in shops, walked down the streets and seen the change in people, been in an airport and sensed this anxiety and almost tang in the air.
Again, I'm infatuated with it, I'm thrumming to this sense of possibility.
People will and have called it hysteria and panicking but maybe its something more innate. If birds and dogs can sense earthquakes, why then is it implausible to think we sense patterns. We are pattern detectors and exceptionally skilled at it.
It made me think of the murmuration of starlings. A giant signpost calling out to each other as there's safety in numbers against an invisible threat. Though in this case there isn't really safety in numbers.
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